On the Outside
by BML Hillen-Keene
Summary: Kink Meme fill: Gabriel is feeling left out of the awesome threesome that should be a foursome (and is, usually, but Gabriels feeling a little left out) More serious than I've made it sound. Enjoy.


**On the Outside**

"Where are you off to?" Dean asked, drawing everyone's attention to Gabriel in an instant.

Gabriel froze for just second before his face lit up in an impish smile. "Some of us still gotta work Dean-o. But I'm sure you boys can manage without me for one night."

Dean snorted, pulling his t-shirt over his head, turning to face Cas, who Sam was helpfully stripping of his trench coat, despite Castiel's protests that he was perfectly capable of taking it off himself. It was a running joke between them by now, because if left to his own devices, Cas would be the last person in the room naked.

"I think we'll manage pretty well." Dean said dismissively.

"Brother." Castiel interjected suddenly. "Can your other," he said *other* with a note of distaste in his voice, "business not wait until later?" He didn't say 'After we've all had hot, sweaty, enjoyable sex', but everyone knew that's what he meant.

Gabriel's smile brightened a fraction, that if anyone had been watching closely enough, would have realised immediately was fake. "No rest for the wicked l'il bro. You boys have fun now." He snapped his fingers just as Sam began to say his name, and disappeared.

xxx

Gabriel didn't go far from the motel; he stayed close enough to guard them in case something should come. It seemed to be the only thing he was good for these days, this and riding to the rescue of people who didn't even want his help, for all the gratitude he got.

He sat, invisible and hidden on a roof across from the motel, eyes drifting constantly to the Impala, and the room that lay beyond it, blinds drawn and only the barest of shadows crossing it. He didn't need to see inside the room, to know exactly what was going on.

They would be a tangle of limbs by now, all breathy moans and huffs of laughter. Touches and kisses. But it wasn't the sex Gabriel was missing right now. It was Castiel tangling his fingers into Dean's short hair afterwards, while Dean's own hands circled small patterns on Sam's back while they talked, about anything and everything and nothing all at once.

Gabriel liked watching that, it was peaceful and soothing, even if he was never directly involved. The three of them always sort of gravitated towards each other, and sometimes, just sometimes, Gabriel was lucky enough to be invited in, with Sam's arm anchored tight around his waist, pulling him in with the others.

That was rarer now, and Gabriel couldn't tell if it was because of him, or because of them. He wasn't some ridiculous weeping maiden; he was sharp enough to know that it might all be in his head, the whole damn thing, that he might be pushing himself into the role of the outsider. But knowing that might be the case, didn't make it any easier to bear.

xxx

It was stupid things really.

Like the way they didn't expect him to be with them all the time, little comments and questions about his Trickster business (which he had given up when he joined with them, unless he happened to see something by chance). He had quickly realised that they weren't used to him, and they needed time to themselves sometimes, so he pretended, made vague remarks about douche bags and fitting punishments, and snapped himself away to a convenient roof to watch over them.

Like the way Dean shooed him away from the car suspiciously when Gabriel offered to help clean it or tinker with the engine. His own fault he supposed, that Dean thought he was going to do something to the car, after all the pranks and jokes he had pulled on the other man. It always hurt a little to see Dean later welcome Sam or Castiel over to the car just to talk, which was really all Gabriel had wanted in the first place (and maybe a kiss, or even sex in the back seat if Dean was feeling adventurous). Not that it happened all the time, he had had sex in the back of the impala a grand total of three times, but it still hurt a little when Dean chased him away like an errant child.

Like the way he'd offer to help with researching the monster of the week, more than happy to let Sam pick his brains a little for information. And yes, sometimes he couldn't help but tease Sam a little. And yes, Sam did get a little prissy with him. But it wasn't like he couldn't be and wasn't serious about it too. Normally his efforts were met with a slight grimace and ended (when he made the effort to be serious) with surprise. As if it was a new thing that Gabriel could be helpful.

Like how they'd wave him off when he offered to go with them on a hunt with dismissive. "Do not worry Gabriel. I will ensure they remain safe." And he'd follow along anyway, because he really didn't have anything else to do, but he knew Castiel would feel a little like a spare wheel with an Archangel tagging along, most lower level Angels did have inferiority complexes about the Arcs. And the way he always offered, but they never asked him to come, that spoke volumes really, about their trust in him.

Like their suspicion if he ever did anything nice for them "Just because". The questioning, the hesitation. He knew getting them to trust him fully would be hard, but there was still always a hint of wariness about them when he tried to do something nice for them, and it was disheartening sometimes.

xxx

Everything had just seemed so easy at first, even though he'd known he shouldn't do it, shouldn't have let himself get drawn into their little fold so easily. It had been the three of them for so long, united against everything, and he'd been seduced by that. Seduced by the invitation into belonging again…

It had been so long since he had really belonged anywhere.

He'd blinded himself. Made himself think he could slot into their little triangle. But he'd forgotten triangles only had three sides. Had let himself forget because it was nice to be loved, to be touched. The talk and be listened to, to listen. I had been nice to be himself, and to give back the love he'd kept locked away inside himself for too long.

Angels were built to love, and Gabriel had often been accused of loving too much. It had nearly destroyed him before he'd fled heaven, so he'd stamped it down and buried it under layers of sarcasm and bitterness, disguised it under tricks and chocolate. But it was always there, burning a hole in his Grace.

It had been nice to let it out again, despite the continued mistrust on occasion. But he only really had himself to blame for that. He only really had himself to blame for a lot of things.

He sighed lightly, shifting his gaze from the window of the motel room to the sky.

Of course it was him. Always imposing, forcing himself into places, relationships, people where he didn't belong. Maybe he should-

xxx

"Gabriel. I think you should come down now."

xxx

Startled Gabriel looked down, to find, that somewhere in his musings, Sam, Dean and Castiel had left the motel and where standing next to the building he was on, each of them looking right at him, despite the fact that his invisibility was still in place.

It had been Castiel who had spoken, blue eyes trained unerringly on Gabriel.

"Gabriel, please come down." That was Sam, soft and pleading. Worried.

Gabriel frowned. Why on earth was Sam worried? But he couldn't ignore the plea, and in an instant he went from sitting on the roof, to standing in front of them, feathers rustling as they folded away again, and was visible again, still a little unnerved that they had seemed to be able to see him when he hadn't been.

He summoned up a smirk. "Hey boys. You called?" he asked, wondering briefly if he should try and pretend he had been off tormenting some deserving soul, when Dean took the decision right out of his hands.

"Cut the bullshit Gabriel." He snapped, and Gabriel felt his smirk slip, despite his valiant effort to keep it in place.

"Perhaps we should move this back inside." Cas suggested.

"Yeah." Dean said, turning on his heel and marching back across the road to the motel. Sam caught Gabriel's arm like he thought the angel was going to pull a disappearing act (which he was considering), and tugged him along after Dean. Castiel flitted between the all, casting Gabriel concerned looks the whole time.

Gabriel couldn't understand why. What had happened? He hadn't been so lost in his thoughts that he wouldn't have noticed if something had happened, he knew that. He took protecting his… No, not *his*. He took protecting *their* little flock (or whatever it was humans called this sort of relationship) very seriously.

Suddenly Castiel's hand was on his other arm, tight and almost burning. Gabriel eyed him. "What's wrong l'il bro?"

Castiel just gave him a cool, measured look. "Inside Gabriel." He didn't let go, and Sam crowded an arm behind him to hustle both angels inside the motel room, where Dean was standing with a look on his face that made Gabriel cringe a little inside.

Had *he* done something?

"Dean!" Castiel said, a note of warning in his voice, letting go of Gabriel's arm and letting Sam hustle the now very bewildered Archangel to the bed, which he noted, absently, had not actually been slept in.

He said down on the end of it and looked at each of them in turn.

"What is going on?"

xxx

"We could ask you the same question Gabriel." Dean said his tone just shy of snide.

"Dean!" it was Sam this time who snapped a warning.

Dean just crossed his arms, set his jaw and frowned.

Castiel just looked at Gabriel, blue eyes unsettlingly intense, and while it was nice to have that intent gaze on him during sex, it was unnerving now, and Gabriel shifted a little, uneasily. "What's going on?" he asked again.

"You were going to leave us." Castiel told him succinctly.

Gabriel blinked slowly, briefly wondering how he had known. But that was all too easily pushed aside by the carefully, rigidly suppressed panic that was starting to claw at his insides. He wondered if he should go for apathy, arrogance… or if he should just smile and tell them it was nice of them to let him in, even if it was only for a little while.

He missed Castiel turning a helpless look to Sam, which seemed to tell the tall man the whole sordid story. But suddenly Sam's arms were tight around Gabriel, startling him into focusing on them again. "Sammy? What-?"

Sam huffed an annoyed breath into his hair and just pulled him tighter to his chest. "Stop being an idiot Gabriel." He told him. "If we wanted you to go, do you really think we would have dragged your sorry ass back inside?"

It took Gabriel a few moments to process that, and his jaw worked silently, trying to think of something to say. Because hearing it said out loud… hearing that all of it… part of it… some of it at least, was all in his head… It was…

He flushed a hideous shade of scarlet and abruptly averted his eyes, fidgeting in Sam's arms. "I-" he tried at last.

"You've been projecting." Castiel said softly, taking a seat on Gabriel's other side on the large bed. "I don't know for how long. But I didn't hear you until tonight… not clearly at least." He took one of Gabriel's hands and rubbed it lightly with his thumbs.

Sam's chin came to rest lightly on Gabriel's head. "We thought… Well… We thought you needed time. You know, to get used to this… to us."

Gabriel tipped his head back, shock warring with confusion on his face. "But I… You-! And I thought…" he trailed off when he finally met Sam's eyes, and the look he received told him that Sam knew exactly what he had thought. They also let him know just how Sam felt about that.

Gabriel's eyes flew across to Castiel, who offered him a small smile, but it faded and was replaced once more by concern. "I had thought you would come to us when you were ready to unburden yourself. I *knew* there was something wrong." His little brother sounded so guilty, and Gabriel didn't want that. Not over him.

"Castiel-" was that his voice? He didn't sound much like himself right now.

Castiel shook his head resolutely. "No Gabriel. I *knew*, and even if I didn't have meanings behind those feelings, I should have said something."

"Cas." That was Dean, speaking at last, but he was looking at Gabriel. "It isn't your fault."

But it was someone's. It was always someone's, and it wasn't Castiel, and it wasn't Sam, and it wasn't Dean. So that only left him.

xxx

Before he could think of think of something to say. Before he could gather up all those years worth of layers back up to cover him again. Dean stepped forward at last, sitting back on his haunches so he could catch Gabriel's falling gaze.

"We're sorry."

That made Gabriel blink, eyes lifting immediately to lock with Dean's.

"All of us." Dean continued, Castiel nodded and Sam tightened his arms in agreement. "For not pushing when we should have."

For some reason that made Gabriel's blood boil, and it was a quick thing to snap his fingers and reappear on the other side of room, as far from them as he could get.

"What are you apologising for?" he asked them, voice carefully controlled, contained. "What part of any of this is your faults? None of you did anything wrong!" he threw his hands up, and started pacing; his grace was thrumming inside him unhappily. He'd made them unhappy, and that fragile part of himself he'd though died after Lucifer fell, shuddered violently at the thought of them being unhappy. They were his-no, not *his*. But they were important, and he should have known better!

"Gabriel!" Castiel said, breaking into his thoughts with a pained sound. He was projecting again and loudly if Castiel's expression was anything to go by.

He sagged, stumbling a step backwards before his back hit the wall. "I shouldn't have done this." He told them, giving words to the emotions Castiel was feeling. "I shouldn't have intruded." His legs shook a little and he let himself slide down the wall, staring at the floor in front of him, unable to make himself look at them. "I'm sorry." He wound his arms around his knees, pulling them in close.

xxx

There was silence then, and it felt as weighted as the day Michael had cast Lucifer down, and just like then he felt some part of himself crack. He sighed, forcing his head up, and a smirk onto his face. Only to find himself hauled unceremoniously to his feet and enveloped in a hug. From Dean. The sort of hug that was reserved for Sam and Cas after a scare.

"You're a worse chick than Sammy, Gabriel." Dean said roughly, but there was an underlying fondness there that took Gabriel by surprise. Then Dean turned them both and let Gabriel go into the waiting arms of Sam and Castiel.

xxx

They didn't have sex that night; all of them knew Gabriel wouldn't be up for it, so they tangled themselves up together under the blankets. Gabriel in the middle, with Sam, Dean and Castiel arranged carefully around him.

And if it took Gabriel far longer than normal to speak up, or tease, or relax under the gentle touches across bare skin, nobody said anything.


End file.
